i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize