just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
