Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
