Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
