So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
