I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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