And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
