Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I look better un-naked...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
