just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So many bounce houses so little time
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
