She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
