so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
