i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We talked him into tasing himself.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Found the puke drawer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
