do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
