Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
