Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Randomize
