I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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