My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
