giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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