I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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