Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
