too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
