Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
