I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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