What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
