Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my nose is crying tears of wow.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
