just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
