she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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