Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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