Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so explain again why im purple
no
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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