I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
