I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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