imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
