he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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