You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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