you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
