My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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