Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
