hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
