so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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