No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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