no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
