wrigley field is MILF paradise
I need help removing her.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
