4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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