He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
