Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
