I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
