the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
