just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize