oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So here I am, sexting at work.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
