I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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