please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
