Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
