my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
