Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
