every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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