I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's like iHOP with fire
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
