Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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