I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
