so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
