I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
