Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
