Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
