We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
