I heard we made out
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
