im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
