i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
