Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
