True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
