i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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