go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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