He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
