you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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