How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
