He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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