Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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