the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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