I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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