i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
