A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
