You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
