FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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