so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
